For a relationship everyone wants the same thing. We want a partner who is very attractive to us and loyal to us, and only us, as well. This seems a basic and relatively simple request but it is actually very complicated.
It is complicated because there are different levels of attraction that exist between our different options as partners. These same options are also available to everyone else, The most attractive people have lots of options to pick from in the world of dating. An attractive persons loyalty to their partner may be a personal conviction on their part but that loyalty is quickly and easily challenged if someone else catches their eye and they have lost some attraction for their current partner. In my experience this is where and how relationships end.
As I have stated in my book relationships are transactional. They always have been. Lots of people associate this transaction is just about sex but that is a very narrow minded definition of it. Realistically the transaction has to do with lots of things. Your partner is going to want certain things from you. Probably sex is one of those things but they will also want other things like compassion, love, pride in themselves for being with you, and lots of other things. When they stop getting the things that they want from you the relationship is on its way to the end.
Long term loyalty is sometimes present in some partners who really are no longer getting what they want from their partner. But rarely is this a happy relationship and although the two partners may stick together they will not be happy together.
So finding a partner that is loyal to us and attractive to us revolves around one thing. It revolves around our value to our perspective or current partner. So we arrive now at a place where we need to realize that whatever drew our partner to us needs to be maintained in order to retain our partner.
When we find partners it is easy to drift as we invest more and more in the new relationship we have found. It is really hard to maintain the life and the lifestyle we maintained when we were single. But the life and lifestyle of ours when we were single is what attracted them to us in the first place. We tend to work really hard to become a valuable partner until we get a partner then we tend to just work for that partner.
In order to find someone and keep them we have to continue to be that person who they were attracted to and that they liked in the first place.
But further than this if you choose a partner who is very attractive and has lots of options you should not be super surprised when they stray. I am not saying you should only date people who have no other options but you have to be realistic. If you are dating someone who could do much better than you then you just know from the beginning it will not last. By doing this and giving yourself over to someone who could do much better than you it may feel like you are getting a trophy for a short time but really you are setting yourself up for a blow to your confidence and self esteem.
The best and most successful relationships are the ones that are based on mutual attraction and not based on either person settling for just whatever they can get at the moment.
Finding a great relationship is very very hard but as long as you are making yourself the most attractive version of yourself and you are out enjoying your life you will find what you are looking for. Just beware of the people who have lots of options and are not really that interested in you long term. If you are just their quick fix, just let them go and wait for the person who actually wants you.
