One of the biggest frustrations that I hear from singles is they think all of the good ones are gone. From my experience I will kind of agree with them. It is not really an issue of all the good ones are gone but more like an issue of the ones who are left are mostly undateable. So I guess in some ways this is true all of the good ones are gone. The ones who are left are in need of improvement in order to become what is viewed as one of the good ones. This issue affects singles in the worst way. It drives them between the option of loneliness or settling for someone they really do not want.
I listen to people regularly complain about loneliness and their feelings about how all the good ones are taken. I have met a couple people who I was a little shocked that they are struggling to meet someone. But for the most part the people I meet who are struggling are simply struggling because they have not done a good job pushing themselves toward becoming the person that a perspective partner would love to date.
Thinking about this very simply we can theorize that if all single people were attractive and desirable then nobody would be left wanting a relationship. Most likely everyone would be in a relationship or at leas headed in that direction.
Usually women who fit into this category simply struggle with their weight. Men usually struggle with their inability to relate to flirt and their poor clothing options. Neither sex has it any easier than the other to make the necessary improvements. Both problems require radical shifts in lifestyle. This is because the changes have to be made permanent. A temporary change will only give someone the chance at a relationship then the relationship will quickly die as the person reverts back to their old ways.
This is where pick up artistry and crash diets will just ultimately fail and leave someone worse off with not only a continued battle to better themselves but also a broken heart. Lifestyle changes are difficult but they are easier if there is some kind of drive to propagate them forward. That drive can be loneliness. If you are lonely use that feeling to push yourself toward some long lasting change.
I am not an expert in how each person should go about transforming themselves but these experts do exist. The one thing that definitely Will be needed is discipline. From my experience it seems lasting change takes 8 months of continuous work for it to become a new lifestyle.
I will give a couple pointers of where to start. If you are going to change and loose weight it is not at all reasonable to starve yourself. There are multiple low carb and no carb diets that allow you to eat as much as you like and they seem to work very well for everyone. For men who do not know how to flirt and need help with their dress a good starting point is to pick an actor that you look similar to and just start dressing like them. Make sure the clothes fit. If you do not have anyone to go shopping with you ask someone working at the store to look at your clothes when you try them on and ask specifically “is this too big for me?”
There are lots of resources on how to flirt out there. The first step is not flirting it is just talking to lots and lots of strangers all of the time. It requires you to leave your comfort zone every day and learn to converse with people while at the same time reviewing materials on how to flirt. Flirting involves being comical or just a bit mysterious. It is a new level beyond being just social.
These are major life changes and most singles who have been single for an extended period of time have probably tried. The difference I am suggesting to singles who have a difficult time with dating is to not actually just make these changes but instead change their mental state into what they actually
want to become. This change is not something that takes a long time. It is kind of like a romantic relationship it sometimes is a huge change that happens kind of suddenly.
One of the best ways to implement a change such as this is to stop focusing on seeking a romantic relationship and start working towards a great meaningful life for yourself. Consider this… what is a more happy scenario?
- Have a life full of different romantic partners but never actually achieve a level of happiness and respect for yourself.
- Have a life full of respect for yourself and a couple or a few romantic partners along the way.
Obviously I am hoping you would choose the second option. What is interesting is that we are wired to pursue and have a partner but we don’t actually seem to have any wiring that tells us to take care of ourselves. The only person we actually have for life is ourselves but we want to sacrifice ourselves for someone else for our whole life. It really is a crazy thing if you think about it.
So the next time you are feeling very single and feeling like there are no good ones left out there try to convince yourself to work on yourself. Improve your own life. Learn to flirt, loose the weight, become more interesting, do whatever you have to do to make yourself a great single person. If every person who is single did this then would all the good ones be gone?
